Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
The Family Secret
For a long time, I have been afraid to share my story. It has been this big secret that no one could ever know. There's two sides to every story, but mine is not validated. I am not silencing my voice anymore. The truth must come out. I should heal. This can hopefully be my way of doing this.
My Hidden Truth
My the fact is that so far I've had a really tough journey living with mental illness throughout my 19 years of life. Living with Generalized Panic attacks, Major Despression symptoms and PTSD have been not even close to easy. How often I've been hospitalized for suicide attempts or suicidal ideation continues to be endless, which after years of therapy and medication changes, winning the battle seems so out of reach for me personally. Feeling safe is one thing that I have longed for my well being, yet I still struggle to experience that feeling despite the fact that I am trying my best to take better care of myself. I wish to win the war, but I often question if I ever can. Trauma has that effect on a person, unfortunately.
The Hidden Truth
Although I'd parents, I never really did. I always accustomed to describe my dad as absent but present and my mother as present but absent. My father was an abusive alcoholic, although he never abused me physically (only my mother), and my mother continues to be unstable (a narcissist) and emotionally/verbally abusive her entire life. She might not have ever struck me, but her words and actions always killed me inside. I had been able to handle lacking a parent, however i needed my mother, just like any little girl does.
For my well being, I've been desiring a household to call my own, parents to love and cherish, and the chance to function as the daughter I have always dreamed of being. If only my trauma doesn't define me, but it does. This is something I need to accept despite it being difficult.
The Hidden Light
In the finish, my trauma may define me, however it does not have to become a negative thing. My story has been not even close to easy, however which i have survived probably the most difficult chapters from it, I'm able to honestly say that it fuels my strength. I might be unable to change my past, however i may use my past to alter the future – not just my future but the way forward for others.
Using my story to assist others happens to be an aspiration of mine, and that i intend to keep fighting to alter the world a word at a time. I'm a writer, in the end, and then any good writer needs a story to tell. I would as well put mine to get affordable use despite the pain it has brought me. Hopefully, I will finally have the ability to say that I managed to get eventually by doing so. Until then, I need to survive until I can finally live. It may seem hopeless, but the fight makes it worth while. Impulse up, because you count it.