Living with suicidal ideation is incredibly difficult. Being easily triggered is the worst part. Negative thoughts always discover a way into my mind, no matter the circumstance. I have been in and out of hospitals for suicidal ideation and suicide attempts since I was 13. It has been a vicious circle of returning, leaving, and waiting for the following stay. I'm mentally exhausted and feel defeated, but I am a survivor. I am still here, fighting each day even after staying close to death. God has kept me for a reason, and I plan to discover it. Despite the fact that I've my faith, living with these thoughts is a constant battle. If you have little strength to fight every day but continue fighting, are proud of yourself. It's a tremendous victory.
I wish it were different. Basically could awaken one day and appreciate life for which it is, I would be the happiest person out there. I wish I had a magic wand to take away the pain sensation Personally i think when i battle depression, anxiety, and PTSD. I have been trying to find an easy fix my life, but nonetheless have not found one.
Despite my desiring a simpler battle, I have discovered that I need to live through the battle I am facing rather than avoid it. It is easy to ignore or push the emotions I'm experiencing aside, however i haven't gotten better using this method. I want to truly live as opposed to just survive. The question is, how do you do that after i am battling chronic thoughts of suicide? The solution has been unclear for a very long time, however I am finally beginning to see the truth a bit more every day.
Focusing on the bigger picture continues to be helping me manage my suicidal ideation. Rather than focusing on the now, I picture what's in the future. This can go one of two methods for an anxious person: seeing the negativity for the future or seeing the positivity. I choose to pay attention to things that will go right. It all is dependant on mindset.
I do recognize that this really is easier in theory. I am nowhere near where I have to be around mindset. Lots of personal growth still needs to occur. I am taking a few baby steps each day, slowly progressing towards this goal. Regardless of how small the steps are, progress continues to be progress. They matter!
The First Step
The initial “baby step” that's helping me tremendously is picturing what would happen basically followed through with my suicidal thoughts. I attempt to assume how my children would react, and what their lives could be like afterward. I place myself in their shoes by asking myself the way i would feel when they committed suicide. By doing so, I recognize which i cannot give the pain I am feeling (which may even be more profound) towards the ones I love. Reminding myself of this keeps me going. The very last thing I wish to do is hurt those I love.
Placing myself within this vision helps me continue fighting. It provides me the courage to achieve out after i am struggling, though it may be a scary thing to do. I have found that I don't wish to act on these thoughts, since i could be depriving the field of the present of me. The difference I'm here to create won't be made basically take my life. I select to make that difference.
Managing thoughts of suicide is definitely easy, particularly when you have endured them for a while. It might be difficult to recognize that the future has happiness and love available for you personally. Being stuck in negativity is really a hard place to escape from. I've been there, and I still am. Making it through each day is way from easy. I am pleased to make it this far.
I encourage you to definitely take a moment to reflect how far you've come. Remember each day you remember feeling overwhelmed, as if your world was ending.
Now recognize that you survived that terrible day you had been thinking of. You made it past among the worst times of your lifetime, and you will continue to make it past the others. Here you are, alive even when the battle has proven difficult. You are a born survivor and you can make it through this present difficultly too. In my opinion in you. It is now time for you to have confidence in you. And when you have to ask for help, remember that by doing so you are making the main difference you're meant to make by ensuring the present individuals. Please remember that you are needed and your world loves you!