Hope May be the Thing with Feathers

Hope is the thing with feathers.

Hope Helps Me Win the War

After hitting very cheap again these past few weeks, seeing a future for myself has been impossible. Without hope, life turns into a lot more dreary. We crave an escape at these profound moments because we just want the pain to go away. When there appears to be a massive array in sight, life seems hopeless. I have been at this time so many times throughout my entire life which is not an easy spot to be at. Suicidal ideation is still gift for me in these moments. It's an endless war.

Hope Helps Me Live

As most of us know by now, recovery isn't linear. One day we will finally fly freely. Until on that day, we must fight the urges to give in, regardless of how strong they are. I continuously hear a voice i believe that informs me that i'm not adequate enough. This voice may be the voice of my “mother,” not me. I try to silence it however it still overpowers me at times which is when the suicidal ideation is strongest. Hope seems nonexistent at these times, as if nothing can or ever can get better. I struggle to battle this unending war but hope helps me survive.

Light Brings Hope

One thing that I happen to be struggling a great deal with lately is being likely to be an adult now that I am a university student. I always was the adult in my “family” due to the abusive and neglectful childhood I endured. I had to grow up fast rather than had the chance to be considered a kid. Now I would like nothing more than to become a kid. Being loved growing up is loved by their parents is something I've always desired and today crave more than anything as I come to be this adult role. I feel so misunderstood nowadays due to this need. It is an immense pain that usually leaves me defeated and longing for anyone to understand.

After hitting a serious low these previous weeks, I finally have discovered some light again in my life. Following a counseling session, I had been in a position to realize that I've suicidal thoughts since i want the pain sensation to finish, not because I actually want to die. Deep down I knew this but to really have it voiced aloud put things into focus for me personally. Even amid the darkness, hope is the light that lives on.

Hope May be the Thing with Feathers

I realized that fear and pain happen to be preventing me from moving up with my life. There are so many dreams and hopes that I have for my life however i have to fight for me personally basically would like them to come true. When i fight for me personally, I am also fighting for justice as my abusers still walk free. I will no longer provide them with power over me because I am finally deciding to work towards fighting for my freedom, safety and happiness. I matter. It's been so desperately for me to know this-but I do matter and also have always mattered. By taking back my life, justice will be served with justice, I'll finally have the ability to fly. Hope is real and truly may be the thing with feathers.